As I head into the last lap of maternity leave I have finally achieved mental balance and by extension, a glorious but sadly fleeting taste of perspective.   I typically begin maternity leave stepping into the soft glow of baby bliss (read: vicodin + sleep deprivation) with one foot dragging behind in the office.  Heart in baby, head still at work.

Once physically pried away from email however, I move directly into neurotic postpartum nesting mode creating “to do” lists for all of the things we need to simplify our lives, beautify our living space, and cute-ify the baby’s room.  This second lap of attempted productivity comes to an end after a flurry of stop and start activity that is inconveniently interrupted by an infant who apparently expects to be cared for and cuddled despite how much Mommy really needs to finish searching for the perfect combination of wall art that says modern baby-slash-all boy that will take him into his preteen years without too much additional investment.  Sigh.

I take stock in what I’ve accomplished away from work.  I’d vowed to read, write, and intellectually flourish outside the world of power point.  But I can only recall an endless circuit of nursing, burping, and changing. (pause) Ding, ding, ding!  That’s it!  That is what I’m supposed to be doing post incubation.  Sustaining the child’s life with my super-food and giving him just enough love and attention to keep him out of therapy (we call this “bonding” and it commands an additional four weeks of unpaid leave).

It is at this point the child realizes I have finally come to rest so he pulls out all the stops.  Big open-mouthed smiles, cooing, tugging at my shirt while nursing (inherently cute), and general reciprocation of affection.  Sometimes, he appears to be just staring into my eyes adoringly.  Huh, I like that.  It brings peace to my busy mind and warmth to my soul (kind of like the initial surge of baby bliss but without the vicodin).  This must be what they call perspective.  I will spend the better part of my life trying to recreate the feeling of this moment.  But for now I will enjoy this gift and cross the biggest “to do” off my maternity list.